Zombies man…..

I ‘ll tell ya what when they freakin get here and eat your brains,


If you are one of the privileged who know me, Then you know nothing freaks me out more than freakin zombies. creepy creepy CREEPY. I no longer think that it is irrational for me to believe that someday, some dead dude is gonna try to eat my fragile brain. No ketchup. No mayo. No pickle. Now, everyone who is like OMG here we go again, KEEP IN MIND my shrink totally told me that it wasn’t impossible and that it could happen.


HA! She has a like degrees and stuff, and a desk and an office  and pills…………. so of course she must know something. Like perhaps I will be tastier than you guys due to my lack of Hypocretin. All the rest of you “NORMY’S”  will at least need a little salt.  So I’m probably more at risk than everyone else. OR…….   It could be the other way around.

So I have joined this super awesome sleeping fan club called narcolepsy right?  ( you get like a cool night light, and a free T-shirt that says “I’m not sleeping, you bore me” when you join. There is also the perks of falling down all the time, and drugless halucinations. Which to all you acid heads out there, are the best kind. You can’t beat what your mind wants to come up with all by its little self!) Anyway….. My point…..


You don’t even know. Of course not. I haven’t told you yet. But imagine waking up to a phone call from your best friend and as soon as you get off the phone…..there it is. That noise. That chugga chugga chugga noise that happens when trains go by, accompanied by the sound of ……zombies. And of course thats what they are… Seriously. What else could it be?  And suddenly you realize somewhere off in the distance they have herded up all the zombies and packed them in like Jews in Germany. (God rest their souls…….And please don’t let them eat me………)  I of course am in a freakin panic by this time.  PANIC. I’m thinking, my God.  Little Red is on her way over I have to save her…..  So I get up and turn off the fan and turn down the TV. So I can use my super powers to hear if they are tearing at my doors or not, and I sit close to the window watching for her car.

Outside there is a strange blue hazy color to the night sky, which is a dead freakin give away that zombies are near, by the way, And Red pulls up along the curb. I had told her I would leave the door unlocked for her but how could I?  That was an incredibly bad judgment on my part, a mistake I won’t ever make again. I watch as she walks up the sidewalk and then I run downstairs to open the door for her.  She of course has NO IDEA what kind of danger she is in and stops right there on the porch to get into her pocket or purse or something. (not exactly sure due to the fact I was scanning the neighborhood for the undead.) I motion her to come in quickly and shut and locked the door behind us. She was like “what’s wrong?” And then I told her…


Try that instead of drugs kids.  The RUSH is unbelievable. This isn’t a dream, it was real.
(As in my mental state of mind directly following a hypnopompic hallucination kind of real.)

I couldn’t make this up If I tried………


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